Happy Birthday!

When I woke up this morning, it was a regular type of day. Getting the kids ready, getting myself ready for work, dropping kids off, planning the rest of the day. Little did I know that God had big things in store for my 41st birthday. For the last 18 months I have been working on making myself stronger. My physical body ready to battle through middle age. This year, I vowed to work on my spiritual side. To keep strong in mind and body. And to let God guide my feet. Not an easy task for a Type A person who wants to be in control. Not easy at all!

Our adoption remains at the top of my mind. Swirling among doctor appts, school functions, and sports. I'm no longer eyeing the phone. Daring it to ring with a toll free number. I'm no longer jumping at every email. Frankly, since we decided to open our home study for Russia, I feel at peace. Elliana will come one way or another.

At work, I talk with our fabulous new recruit, Laura. She is taking over my job. She is perfect for it and I love watching her shine with enthusiasm for getting and keeping people healthy. What a find she is!

I head home to change clothes into my walking clothes before Linda comes to remeasure the bathroom wall for one last time. Then a walk with some girlfriends. I can't wait. I feel spent from lack of sleep the night before. I feel beat down. The Bible verse I read this morning keeps coming to mind..."Isn't it great that when God says he'll do something, he always does!"

Driving to pick up Liam I get a call....BLOCKED. Worried that it's Laura needing something, or something is wrong with my Grandma, I answer.

Hi Kathy? This is Cynthia from Adoption Network Law Center. How are you?

I'm good! How are you doing?

Great! Kathy, I work with birthmother's here at ANLC and I have a girl I would like to present to you to see if you would agree to be presented to her....

(At this point...Kmart is looking like a great crash site! I sit at a green light waiting to turn wondering if it is green or red, or am I really DRIVING MY CAR!?!?)

Um, ok.....will this conversation make me wreck my car??

Well, you may want to pull over!

How do you explain the rush of tears. When you know the balance of your life is right then being held in the hands of someone else. I turn to God. God...please, your will be done. I will go where you follow. But God, it IS my birthday!

Later tonight when we talked to our expectant mom, I am humbled once again. I cannot believe this amazing young woman can stand in this between ground. Her comment of "I want placing my daughter to be the ONE thing in my life I do right." goes straight to my heart. After the call, Dave states he wants to adopt the EM too. So do I. Realizing how we are all one decision away from bad things, it is scary. Our EM is young. Scared. Too street smart for her age. And too alone. Her life story sears my heart as I take notes to put in Elliana's journal. I want her to know every tidbit of her mother that I can. I hang on to her every word. She is from Ohio...so am I. She has a strong relationship with her Grandfather who is a farmer in KY...like Dave. She loves music, art, writing, reading....ok, is this really our child??? She is quite good at charcoal drawing. She wants her daughter to always be encouraged. To be allowed to have wings to be what she wants. And she wants us to guide those wings. I have no words.

Elliana is not a gift to us. She is a child. She is a dream come true. She is the missing link of our family and we do not know what to say to this young woman-child who wants to provide her for us. How can you tell someone thank you? Thank you for reaching inside me and finding the one things that I treasure. For putting them into a small body for safekeeping. And then handing that child to me to watch those treasures unfold. Thank you seems so small........

I wish I had a picture of Cullen's face when I told him that his sister was on her way. I wish I could forever capture Kadin's bright smile at the news. And how we can finally, let Liam know, she will have a birthday. And we will know when it is.

Thank you God. For our small answered prayer. One that will impact our lives in big ways. I can hardly wait!