Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Today while driving to pick up some medical forms for our adoption file, I watched as a young man broke away from a walk with his group home worker and ran away. Since I know with my own background training that the safest thing is to not intervene, I watched him run in the light rain mist with just street clothes on, no jacket. I watched his worker get on her phone (we didn't have those when I worked with kids....what a nice accessory to have!) and I assume call in a run away. It got me thinking about a book I am currently reading BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS.

BOYS SHOULD BE BOYS talks about how important it is for our boys to be loved by their mothers. To be offered time and grace. To be taught how to honor their mother so they will grow to honor and respect other women in their lives. The importance of a father. Or another male role model. To limit electronic devices. To encourage reading and playing with their imaginations. To allow wrestling and war. To let them throw stones, make swords out of sticks, and to build tree houses. How boys need God in their lives. To know that there is an all knowing, all powerful, all loving presence out there for them. That they need our time. Just for us to exist with them.

As my mind processes this child running. His worker. My destination of picking up paperwork so we can hopefully add to our family, I think to the back and my boys. Am I all they need me to be. Am I there enough. Am I silent enough to hear them speak. Am I graceful enough to accept the child and forgive the transgression time after time again? How does a child get to the point where running away from shelter in the rain and cold seem like a good idea?

From my years in mental health, I know the answer to that. Drugs, sex, alcohol, bad peers which give some sort of affection that makes up for none at all. How many young boys that grow up in poverty feel that they will never live past their 30's. And I know a man who defied those odds and made a better life for himself. My husband.

I wanted to jump out of my car and grab that boy. I wanted to hug him tight. I wanted to let him know that people care about him. About his future. About his life. But I knew I couldn't. So instead, I pontificated the reasons he was running with my boys. Where they can turn if they ever feel so lost. And then we prayed for that lost running soul. That he find where he is searching. That God keeps him warm and safe and leads him to a man who can guide him onto the path. And that God watches over my own three boys. So that I may guide them alongside their father. So that the only run they feel like going on, is for exercise, as they return safely, home.

Friday, November 4, 2011

12 years ago.....

We hold our children's hands for such a short time. When I think that in SIX years my oldest son will be 18, it makes my heart ache. Where has the time gone? How did he grow so quickly? As the days drag by and the years fly, every year on each of their birthdays, I remember them as babies and marvel at the young adults they are quickly becoming.

Kadin's birth was too soon. After a placental abruption, he was forced into this world in port red wine amniotic fluid and interuterine growth restricted. I can remember the NICU workers lingering in the hallway in case they were needed. But from the start, my 5 lb wonder has been a fighter. He came out screaming and wide eyed. Almost as if he were protesting his birth. From the first look into his quiet eyes, we knew Kadin was an old soul. He definitely was sent for a big job of helping his Momma grow into a mother. Oh the journeys we shared!

From the start, Kadin was a pensive child. He talked early, he judged others early. We quickly learned to take our cues from him on the inner most heart of others. If he shied away and cried, we knew that innately, these people were not as caring as we wanted them to be. If he greeted you with open arms, you were an instand extended family member. He still has this uncanny ability to read people and their intentions.

As he grew, he was quiet, compliant, mindful, a total joy to have around. He hardly ever misbehaved, he hardly ever needed disciplined, he never got dirty, he never ran around screaming and shouting, he sat for long periods of time, and we could take him anywhere. Only he NEVER SLEPT. Holy cow! This child did not sleep through the night until kindergarten. I thought I would become a zombie from sleep deprivation. :) He sleeps quite well now, thankfully!

When I think back on that tiny baby and then I look at the strong, strapping young man he is now, I thank God for his greatest blessings. Kadin's name is Arabic and means Companion, friend. And for the past 12 years, he has definitely qualified. He is not only my son, but I am proud to call him a friend.

Happy Birthday to the first miracle in my life! Happy 12th Birthday, Kadin Scott! We love you!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

National Adoption Month

Tomorrow we meet our Home Study worker from Lutheran Family and Children's services face to face for the first time. I'm nervous. I think I bug this lady and get on her last nerve with my many requests, asking for more information, for her to hurry, for her to give me more tasks to do to get this show on the road. I realize these things take time, but must they be so frustrating? We are her first case where she is straddling her responsiblities at LFCS and also Lifelink, the domestic adoption home study company. We have duplicated paperwork so many times, I no longer get upset about it, simply go and pull the last form I wrote the same informtaion down in a different order and repeat it.

I've started a list of things I want to do around the house while we wait. Because really, waiting should not be that difficult. It isn't as if I have nothing else to do. But getting this home study completed is foremost in my mind. What classes do we have to take? When will the fingerprints be back? What other paperwork is there to fill out? Will we EVER get matched??

So, say a little prayer for us tomorrow afternoon. I know I will need it!