Wednesday, March 13, 2013

New Avenues

For so long I was the mom of boys. I did boy things. I bragged about boys, I championed boys, I lived and breathed my boys. I would stand up to anyone who degraded boys, talked negatively about their boy, or who would make gender specific comments. I had found my venue. I was a Boy Mom. I MotheredBoys.

Now I find myself with some pink through the gift of adoption and I ironically find myself on another platform. Kind of straddling the two. I will forever be MotheringBoys, but now I also swim among the adoption world.

People always have questions. Didn't her mom want her? Do you have contact with them? Did her mom take drugs? Drink? Who would 'give up' their baby? How much did she cost? Do you love her like your boys? Does it bother you that she looks nothing like you? How did you bond??

Just as the questions were unfiltered when I found myself in an all boy family, now I find that filters are still not on. But I choose to educate instead of be irate. So, here you go.....

Elliana's mom DID want her. That is why she did not choose abortion. She loves her daughter so much, she made the ultimate sacrifice. To choose a family to raise her baby. A family that lives 1900 miles away. A family who so wanted a little girl and she knew they would adore her. A family that leaves her messages and pictures on a regular basis. A family who converses freely with her daughter's biological grandmother so that each family can adore this life God made. Elliana's mom did not "GIVE UP" her  daughter. She made a choice. A hard choice. One that still makes her weep. A choice she knew was in the best interest of her child. A choice that would allow her to look into her baby's blue eyes one day and say "You are the one thing I did right." We did not pay for Elliana. We paid for attorney services, agency fees, travel to and from California, and for birth mother expenses so that her birthmom could have what she needed up to the birth. We paid for counseling for her mother before the birth and after. We did not pay for our child. We love her completely. As if she came from my body. As I sat up every night and nursed her, she was just as loved as her brothers before her. In our hearts, there has been no distinction. She is our Daughter. We were meant to be her Family. She was born for Us and our journey in life prepared us for Her. The story of her conception and her birth are hers to tell when she is older. Not for prying eyes or ears. We know she was conceived in love, born in love, placed in love, and is being raised in love. That is all she needs for now. Bonding with her was instant. I walked into a nursery, had a nurse hand me my baby and leave the room. I loved her before she was born. She is another child of my heart.

Is having a semi open adoption easy? Not always. But I only have to answer to Elliana. When she asks questions, I want to provide answers. When she wonders who she looks like, I have pictures to show her. Of her birth mom. Of her birth father. Of family members. When she wants to know where she came from, I have answers. When she wants to talk to family members, she will call her birth 'Nana'. Our child is blessed. She has family all over that love and adore her. She will always know she came to us through adoption and that we are eternally grateful.

So, if you are curious, ask. But don't degrade. Just like I wouldn't tolerate that in front of my boys, I won't accept it in front of my daughter. And for the record, her eyes are just like her grandfather's eyes. My dad's. And they amaze me.