Sunday, July 14, 2013

Letting Go

Yesterday as my husband left our home with our oldest child, my heart ripped a little. Partly in reason because he was going to Washington DC without any of us (although a friend's parents drove him and two other classmates) to attend a young leaders conference. But also because it was just one more step of him leaving out the door and not returning as a full time resident. A bit dramatic? Maybe so. My sweet little boy is almost 14. And since those almost 14 years have flown by, I know the next four will as well. And then he will be off to college and this empty spot in our home that his presence fills, well, it will be here long term. And then there is only 7 years until the second one leaves. In SEVEN years I will have two empty spots....Lord help me to think of the other two leaving. :(

I am proud of the man our oldest, Kadin, is becoming. But at times, I am also reminded of the small child he was when he was born. Back when we didn't know any better. Back when I was a newly made mom and had a tiny 5lb baby that came too soon. I often wondered what it would be like to have a teenage boy. And I admit, I love it. Kadin is a huge helper at home. He sees things that need to be done and he jumps right in. He is eager to help others and to annoy his siblings. He is messy in his bedroom yet a meticulous reader. He has wonderful friends that are loyal to him no matter what, and he's learning the heartache of friends who taunt and back stab and use.

One step out the door and this Momma was in tears. How did that teeny tiny boy that fit in the crook of my arm become this handsome young man who is going to a National Leaders Conference? Did I mention its in DC?? And we live in IL??? Do you know how far away that is?1?!?

As another brave boy mom told me, I need to let go. To let him venture out, calling when he wants, falling when he needs to, messing up when it's necessary to learn those life lessons now, when I can pull him back in and make it all better. I'm trying. I'm really trying.

I hope he has a wonderful time. And I'm excited to take the other boys to DC on Tuesday....hey, I can't be so far away from him forever!!! :)