closing ranks

I'm left wondering a lot lately. What is our world coming to? What kind of place am I raising my children in? Where are the lines we draw for our family and how do we deal with those that would cross them? Is it wrong that I want to pull back? To question if people are truly friends or if they have an ulterior motive. How can I ensure my four children grow up with a good work ethic, strong morals, compassion for others, and a belief in Christ?

The things I thought made the world go round seem shaken. I've spent my adult life caring for others. Giving to people who needed. My husband has been the same. But now, we find ourselves given out. Can that happen? Can you put so much of your own life on hold to fill the need of others that you simply forget you have a life to live as well? It appears you can. So, how does one regroup?

We bought a house in the country. The sounds at night remind me of my childhood. I feel a sense of peace when I pull in the driveway or sit on the back deck. We are secluded. Responsible to each other. A helpful family unit. Even through the logistics of moving three miles from our last house, we have come full circle. Back to our roots.

It is here I realize I am tired of living my life in a fish bowl. Of having friends only on the periphery of life. And of giving with no return. As selfish as that sounds. So, for now I am regrouping with my main players. Enjoying my husband and our kids. And putting out feelers for those friends who will stand by me. Because we all know my life is not for the faint of heart!