Blessings

As I sat with God early this morning, talking about the past few days, thanking him for so many things, and reminding Him to show me the blessings along the way, I was rewarded with a screen show of the past week.

I was reminded of the kindness of the ladies who did all three of my mammograms. From the first joking 'why do we have to do this' shots to the last young lady I had a total meltdown on. The soft explaining of an ultrasound tech who was by my side during my biopsy as well.  The patience of a patient advocate who never expected to become my sounding board. The quiet confidence of a radiologist friend who remarked he would rather see me with the boys on the ball field than enduring a biopsy. This same radiologist who stayed late to read scans, explained every tiny detail and looked at things immediately when they crossed his desk so that we would not have to wonder. To worry. I know not everyone gets these privileges.

The kindness of the patient registration workers. Walking into imagery and seeing a dear friend across the desk. Who sees you are shaking before you realize it and places a warm blanket across your shoulders. To two MRI operators who pray with you that the cancer will be localized, treatable, that you will be CURED.

The unselfishness of a surgeon who meets you between cases, orders additional tests to have done that day because she knows you have another dear friend watching over your baby. A wonderful friend who knew before being told something was 'off' in your universe and quietly shows up to lend a hand.

A primary care doctor that has seen you through years of regular work ups, watched you adopt a baby, and rejoiced with your family every step of the way. To know that sitting down to give you the diagnosis of cancer feels like she is telling someone in her own family. Because in essence, she is. Her pitbull attitude has gotten you a biopsy on Monday, results on wednesday, a MRI and CAT scan on that same day, another CAT scan on Thursday as well as meeting with the surgeon, a bone scan on Friday, a PET scan on Saturday, and a second opinion surgeons appointment the next Thursday.

A second family at my husbands office. Who sent flowers, gifts, texts, emails, face book messages. Who showed up at my home to watch my children so Dave could be with me during tests. Who when I showed up for work called out the pink elephant in the room, hugged me and let me know no matter what, I am supported. And then moved on.

My husband, who was crushed by this news, yet held his head high. Asked what I needed and what he could do to help. Who patiently explains test after test and it's results as if I were a simpleton. Knowing I cannot process what is happening. Trusting him that he does know and walking where he leads me. Where he has been every step of the way. His strength oozing into me. His arms holding me. His love surrounding me. Oh yes, I am blessed! Tried, but blessed.

Several friends who work in the medical field who have been there since the first moment I could breath and announce. With their check ins by text, dinner, small tokens of letting me know they understand and that I do not walk alone. Their quiet presence all I need. How they feel they aren't doing anything but by being there, as they are, they are doing everything in the world.

To friends who just walk up and hug. And then walk away. Those hugs are the most precious gifts. The strength that flows from them into my body keeps me upright. To the calls to friends who have walked this road before me. Their ability to know what is going on in my mind without me saying a word. Their 'been there done that' advice is heeded. I have wonderful, strong women and men I am following and I want to be just like them.

The gifts of support from my family. The ability to call and give each detailed report. The levelheadedness, yet love that pours from them. The 'when do you need me?' time frames that let you know when the time comes, you will be taken care of. The break down texts to a sister who holds it together when you cannot. A sister in law who shares her heart. And a brother who calls. I am a woman who could not ask for one more thing.

I am grateful this is happening to me. Not to my husband. Too many people depend on him, including me.  And certainly not to my children. I would take any pain from them and hold it as my own. I know they are watching how I walk this path and I will not let them down.

And I have an amazing support system online. For years, most of my closest friends have been people I have never met. Those I talked to in the dead of night. Those who's insight was not into my physical presence but my words. The detailed going ons of my life. Few people understand it, but those who have an online support family, there is no explanation. As we moved from place to place, even my dear friends that I saw every day, became an online presence. And I have been blessed to accumulate friends from every walk of my life, and to have kept most of them. When I read the words of my friends, I am humbled. By their emotions, by their words, by their support. Even people I do not know at all are offering prayers. And I know anything whispered from your lips is heard by our Father. He has let me know that these prayers surround me, lift me up, comfort me, and that they will get me through this. Every step of the way. I am a fighter with God's army behind me! How can I lose?

So although I am starting my 4th day as a breast cancer victim. I am not a victim. I have seldom been in my life, and this is no different. I am a child of God! I am met at every corner of this adversity with people who are at my side. And His word in my mind. And I will walk through this the only way I know how. I will write. And share. And be so thankful for the blessings that have already been bestowed upon me. Thank you, Jesus. For that beautiful picture show. My heart is full.

Now Onward! For a PET scan. Soon, I will be my own glowing Halloween decoration! :)