I Am.....

I am the second daughter to a wonderful couple. I am the third granddaughter to a family that was over run with girls, only to be over run with boys now. I am the child who walked to the beat of a different drummer. I am the child who had one sock up and one sock down and pig tails that did not stay put. I am the child who gave my parents a run for their money, yet had a gentle heart and a giving soul. I am a loved child of my family and God.

I was diagnosed with scoliosis in the 6th grade. I was told by peers that my back was broken so I could not participate in cheerleading. I was a child championed by a family friend. I cheered. I played ball. I became a runner at the age of 11. My mother drove me to Shriner's hospital in Lexington, Ky, two and a half hours from where we lived, once a year for five years. The curvature of my spine got so bad they were contemplating putting me in a back brace. I had a growth spurt and the curve almost corrected itself. I am now only bothered by my scoliosis during pregnancy and if I am very tired. I am an answered medical prayer.

From going to Shriners, I witnessed children with no limbs, with half limbs, burn victims, children with trachs, and their families that were struggling. I saw the effects of drug abuse, accidents, and birth defects. I learned to look past the outside deformities and to see the child or adult behind. I learned to look people in the face, look into their hearts, and to really see them. I learned compassion at a young age. It gave me the drive to help others. I am a believer in the human race. And in goodness in every heart. I am a defender and a supporter.

I graduated college in two and a half years. I graduated from grad school a year later and got a job in community mental health. From there I learned to stand for the underdog, help families heal, believe in children who had no one else, organize and run a developmental clinic for children who were born prematurely, with developmental disabilities,  and with Autism. I worked in the NICU with the neo-natologists giving advice and support to nurses on how to developmentally support neonates. I worked with some of the most fragile and sick babies known to our world. I watched some thrive and others die. I learned to comfort through tears. I am a believer in miracles. I have seen them first hand. I know God is our ultimate healer and that He has a plan for every one of us. I have seen the tapestry of life in bits and pieces. I know the fragility we live with every day.

I am a mother. Of three boys who at various points of my pregnancy and their births, we could have lost any or all of them. From prematurity, stuck in the birth canal, to losing the heartbeat in utero. I have given natural childbirth, breastfed four kids through breast infections, in public, on planes, in the bathroom, and anywhere else between. I have been pitied for my lopsided family, told horrible things to my face about raising boys, and made to feel less than because I was the Queen of my household. I am a champion of boys. I am the face of gender disappointment. I am a woman who took what life gave her and made it better. I am the Mom of Boys and I Love It. I am an author to share those experiences with others. Because no one should feel alone. Or left out. Or less than. Even if it's controversial. Even if others don't understand it. Even if it makes people mad or sad or happy, it is out there. I am a 'stand for what you believe in' kind of gal. I will protect those I care about. I am not to be pitied. I am a pioneer, a strong lady. I am in love with my three sons. I am grateful for life lessons.

I am a wife who makes mistakes. Who has followed her husband through 5 moves to different states. I have taken down homes and built them up again. I am his biggest champion and his greatest frustration. We have been married for 15 years. He is my rock. He has given me wings to do anything I have ever desired. I am loved and cherished.

I am the mother of a daughter. I am part of an adoption triad. We adopted for family balancing. I have learned to walk in faith, not by sight. Our daughter had been my biggest walk of faith to date. I have been entrusted with one of God's greatest gifts, a child. I am the face of open adoption. I know that I can love a child that grew in my heart just as much as if she grew under it. I can love complete strangers just because they share my daughter's bloodline. I am grateful to a friend who supported me in my desire to breastfeed my adopted child. I was successful, much to the surprise of others. I am blessed beyond measure by a God who made me a promise and kept it. I am humbled by the prayers given by a community larger than life that helped to bring her to us. I am changed by adoption. I am blessed. I am thankful. I am the mother of four.

Yesterday I found out that I am one in eight women who will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lives. I am the woman who went in for a routine mammogram and came out weeks later from a biopsy. I have heard the unthinkable. Cancer. I have been CAT scanned, had dye inserted, been poked and prodded. I will have surgery and learn words I never wanted to know. But through it all, I know one thing about myself. I am a fighter. I am a believer. I know that God is by my side. I know that he deemed this walk would happen to me long before this day. I know that I will get through it on the wings of prayers, and His good words. For one day, I will be able to say I am a survivor, like my Dad. Because I know, I already am. I am the face of breast cancer. I am a fighter. I.will.overcome.

What are you? What makes you--you? What gifts do you have? Are you using them? I had a friend ask "Why you? You don't deserve this," and it made me smile. Why NOT me? Why would God not use me in this manner? To soften my heart to others struggling. To make new friends. To be there for someone else down the line. To give hope. To receive it. I am a child of God. I will be healed by Him. I am on another faith walk that will expand my horizons and bless me tenfold. Why NOT me? I'm looking for the blessings. Are you? Do you see them in your own life? I do.

For that is what I Am.